My marriage is crumbling and so am I. All that zist for life, that romance and love, that panache for the beautiful is lost. all I have left is day long loneliness, no time for self and dullness. Meethi is always there, she is the only one who brings teary smile on my face. Khul kar hasein hue to pata nahi kitne saal ho gaye. Social life has vanished because of Meethi, my loved ones who were there for me anytime anycost are not anymore. Marriage has given me nothing, no relationships, no family, Yesss it has given me Meethi. But along with her, comes innumerable responsibilities, tiredness and mental fatigue. I had to give up my job, because I was all alone in this world to brought-up Meethi, no support from the so called her "family". The day I left my job, life has become monotonous, very very monotonous. I find myself a failure when it comes to doing household chores. This is one major problem which has widen the gap between us. I don't know what to do. I feel just too dull and lonely. I need somone to talk to, need someone whose hand I can hold when I want to, who can understand me. Money is not a problem, as I don't need much, and a comfortable amount is always available. The only problem it seems is, I still haven't learned to live life alone. I still need someone. I still need someone whom I can tell that I am very upset, I need a HUG. Meethi is a bless. Me and Sonu are different, very very different. He it seems doesn't need a wife, he needs someone who can take care of his house, and serve him food when he comes back from office and yess... not the last..can take care of Meethi in his absence, because he needs Meethi to freshen himself up. He has a life of his own, a circle of his own, where I have occupied 10-20 % of space. In contrast, I have a life where he has occupied 98% space, and this wide margin in figures is creating problem. Many a times I ask myself, why do I need him, what he means to me, Why I left my parents and family to make up his family, convert his house to a home. why did I left everything I had in my life, to give him everything. I do not have answer to these questions. And the day I would understand, it will be very late, that day I would be only flesh with no heart. That day happiness and sadness won't mean anything to me. That day I would be no more.
God, I need you, pls tell me what to do. I have never wanted this marriage to fail. I have always believed in relationships more than anything else in this world. I have very strong feeling that I leave everything & everyone and start a new life without anyone in my life. But How can I leave Meethi. God has given me her responsibility and I must fulfill it till the last moment of my life and in the best of ways. I must not be selfish and think about myself. But God pls tell me, how I can be happy. pls give me the courage so that I can be emotionally independent. I want to get rid of this dullness in my life... HOW ??????????????
